President Barack Obama announced today that he has written a new Presidential Motto. EGO Recubo , EGO Impono , EGO Rapio translates to, I Lie, I Cheat, I Steal. The motivation for the new motto, his newest accolade – The Nobel Peace Prize.
Another motto was considered as well. No I Can’t in the face of his overall failures translates to Haud EGO Can’t in Latin. It was decided by senior Administration officials that honesty at this point may not be the best policy.
As the Secretary of State was dressing down students asking questions about her husband’s thoughts on US foreign policy, Bubba was celebrating his 63rd birthday with Al Gore and Harry Reid. Where might you ask? In Sin City.
While Hillary was making her rounds through The Congo, Bubba was enjoying lap dances at The Girls of Glitter Gulch on Fremont Street. Asked if the former President is a good tipper, one dancer named Bambi said, “It was just a thrill to be able to entertain the former President.”
Pressed if she had any DNA samples from Clinton Bambi emphatically stated, “Not that I recall. I don’t even own any blue farmer’s daughter dresses.”
After their excursion to Glitter Gulch, the trio of Democrat has-beens traveled to the Bunny Ranch and weren’t seen again until morning.
For the record, the former President’s actual birthday isn’t until the 19th. But he must have figured that he’d better take advantage of Hillary’s absence.
Reporting for Gribbit’s Word: Manuel the Porn Pimp – Las Vegas
Note:
Manuel the Porn Pimp is an investigative reporter posing as one of those guys handing out the cards for “private dancers” on every street corner in Las Vegas. The accuracy of Manuel the Porn Pimp’s reports cannot be confirmed.
President Obama reassured a packed house at Cairo University today that the United States is not at war with Mosquitoes.
“There are millions of mosquitoes in America,” said the President, “They are peaceful insects. We have a responsibility not to let the radical views of a few extremist, neck-biting mosquitoes stop progress towards meaningful dialogue.”
The President went on to praise the contributions of mosquitoes to world history and present society.
“Mosquitoes are in part responsible for much of our intellectual advancement over the years,” said Obama, “It was mosquitoes who started the renaissance. It was mosquitoes who brought us the internal combustion engine. It was mosquitoes who crammed aboard the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria to help trail-blaze the foundation of my great country.”
The President also touched on his personal history and connection to mosquitoes.
“Indeed, I descend partly from mosquitoes,” said Obama, “Although I am an endoskeletal being, I cannot forget my origins. Nor can I forget the time I spent in Indonesia, when at the crack of dawn, I heard the familiar buzzing of my mosquito brethren, deeply engaged in their trademark meditations before the daily food procurement.”
An attempt was also made to build an understanding of the history Americans have had with mosquitoes.
“I don’t want mosquitoes to shape their opinions of Americans by the acts of people still sore over malaria and Asiatic flu,” said Obama, “It caused us to do things that we shouldn’t have done. We committed certain atrocities with DDT and rolled-up newspapers. We have eliminated DDT and we are committed to eliminating rolled-up newspapers. In fact, we are trying to eliminate newspapers altogether.”
The President said he looked forward to peace.
“I look forward to peace,” said the President, “That means that both sides will have to be frank and make real concessions. Mosquitoes will have to recognize the rights of mammals to keep blood inside of their bodies. Mammals will have to cut off eight of their fingers and give them to the mosquitoes who so desperately need severed fingers. Until these goals are met, peace is but a dream.”
Finally, the President started throwing money at all of the mosquitoes in attendance.
“Here, have some cash,” said the President, “We’re also going to chip in several billion dollars to help with all your humanitarian causes. We’ve got money to put into your education system, your infrastructure, your security, and those lead-lined proboscises you wanted to help accomplish some goal I don’t quite understand. Take the money. We’ve got tons of it. We printed it ourselves.”
Americans and mosquitoes hailed Obama’s speech as something that needed to be said in order to ease tensions between mosquitoes and mammals.
“I’m so glad the President gave this speech,” said Sally Wainwright of Oshkosh, Wisconsin, “Now mosquitoes are going to start being nice to us. I think I’m going to hug the next one I see!”
Sid Bridge is the author of the site The Endive.
President Barack Obama announced today that he has written a new Presidential Motto. EGO Recubo , EGO Impono , EGO Rapio translates to, I Lie, I Cheat, I Steal. The motivation for the new motto, his newest accolade – The Nobel Peace Prize.
Another motto was considered as well. No I Can’t in the face of [...]
As the Secretary of State was dressing down students asking questions about her husband’s thoughts on US foreign policy, Bubba was celebrating his 63rd birthday with Al Gore and Harry Reid. Where might you ask? In Sin City.
While Hillary was making her rounds through The Congo, Bubba was enjoying lap dances at The Girls of [...]
Posted By GM Roper on July 22, 2009
Now Obama, trying to be the first in history
With Obamacare, the voters were tempted and deceived
But the blue-dogs wouldn’t take that bite
And that’s where Obama met his Waterloo
Chorus-
Waterloo, Waterloo
Where will you meet your waterloo?
Ev’ry puppy has it’s day
Ev’rybody has to pay
Ev’rybody has to meet his Waterloo.
By Sid Bridge of The Endive
President Obama reassured a packed house at Cairo University today that the United States is not at war with Mosquitoes.
“There are millions of mosquitoes in America,” said the President, “They are peaceful insects. We have a responsibility not to let the radical views of a few extremist, neck-biting mosquitoes stop [...]
Originally Titled – A George Bush Fan
A grade school teacher in a small Vermont town asks her class how many of them are Barack Obama fans.
Not really knowing what a Barack Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except little Johnny.
The teacher asks Johnny why [...]
Thanks to Kevin McCullough for bringing this video clip to my attention.
This video is accurate in illustrating the literal spoiled nature of modern man.
Gribbit: In the interest of full disclosure - Igormarxo's link is to his own site. It is a satire site. Funny stuff....
Igormarxo: Obama qualifications to reform health care:No birth certificateCannot stop smokingDifficulty telling the truth.Narciss...
halthouse1: We have national debt that may be in jeopardy of losing its sacrosanct triple A rating, homeland security that is being tested every day, a real unemp...
GM Roper: Snickerface... heh, what a handle. I wonder if it means he/she is chuckling, or more likely let the snickers get all over his/her puss.
At any rat...
Gribbit: From GM Roper...Snickerface... heh, what a handle. I wonder if it means he/she is chuckling, or more likely let the snickers get all over his...
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As the Secretary of State was dressing down students asking questions about her husband’s thoughts on US foreign policy, Bubba was celebrating his 63rd birthday with Al Gore and Harry Reid. Where might you ask? In Sin City.
Thanks to 
